Give 4 inches. Take a foot.

Today I finally had the case I new would eventually come. It was as devastating and infuriating as I imagined. If I make it passed this, then I know I will be all right in this field....

Sometimes it happens that you are walking down the street and someone mistakes you for someone else.

Jerry Garcia perhaps. Or Zach Galifianakis. Usually, though, at least you know who you are. "No," you might reply, "I'm not him."

But sometimes, rarely, they will point at you and say "This is who you are" and you realize, wow, they are right. You didn't even know that was the person you were! You look back on your life, and the evidence seems to build. "That really IS who I am, isn't it?"

You can't be two people though. No, that's impossible. So you have to pick one. It's a rare thing, to get to pick who you are. You have to choose wisely.

So. Who am I?


And I hope one of us is very wrong.

Well, I just returned from my friend's bachelor party in Las Vegas. I left right after taking my big exam, so I was in the right mind set to party. Which mostly meant strippers.
I spent about $500 the first night in the strip club. I fell in love with one of them, and she put my phone number into her phone. I think it was just so she coult text me later and try to get more money, I texted her when I got back to Miami (she said she lives in Miami and only goes to Vega for the summers) but she never replied, so that answers that question. She had nice feet which she rubbed all over my face though :)

I met up with a lady who does clips and she did a foot worship one with me.



That was a great time too. I didn't gamble or anything though. I did see all the major sights. The bachelorette party was in Vegas too, and one of the girls is a friend of mine that takes candid pictures of the other girls feet for me. She is awesome like that :)

It's good to be back home though, before I spent all my money.

So, let's say there is a dog. Well, a puppy. The kind that would always sniff around at its owner's feet and try to hump her leg.

Normally he is a loyal, happy, obedient puppy. Sometimes he gets a hold of a sandal or two and needs to get reprimanded, but normally he's a good dog.

The training process is a bit of a chore. Some days seem to go better than others. Overall he's learned a few tricks.

Now imagine one day, when commanded to roll over, he refuses. Normally he performs this trick eagerly and happily. Rolls right over like a log. But this time, he just doesn't want to.

Instead, he puts his tail between his legs and lowers is head and ears, but still refuses to roll. He might even bark. He would never dream of biting though.

What would that mean, if anything? Would you try again tomorrow? Is he a bad dog? Would the image of the loyal and obedient friend be marred?

It's mostly likely just a dumb dog that doesn't know what it wants.

Yesterday I went to see a friend who was in town that I hadn't seen in almost 2 years. She was actually my first girlfriend back in 11th grade of high school, 11 years ago. Over the last 2 years she has also had a boyfriend.
At the end of the day, before I left, I told her I have a collection of most of my friend's feet, but amazingly I didn't have any (good) ones of hers and I asked if I could remedy that. She was hesitant but said ok. I took 6 pictures of her feet with my phone. I also asked her to the back yard for some better lighting. I placed her feet on my knee and took the pictures, and after dusting her soles off a bit I decided to massage them a bit.
"No, I feel like it's cheating!"
"Tell me to stop" I said. She didn't say anything. So I continue massaging her feet.
After about 5 seconds she said "Oh, I had forgotten how good you were"

It was a bit thrilling for me. I was tempted to kiss them, but decided not to go that far. I did get excited though massaging another guy's girlfriend's feet while she complimented me on how good I did it, while she felt like she was cheating on him. I imagine that is as close to being a "bull" as I can get! I masturbated to her foot pictures when I got home to finish off the "bull fantasy."

There's probably something wrong with me. Oh, well, OK there definitely is, but that's not what I mean this time. I mean something actually wrong.
It's been over 3 years since I last saw her in person. Then we both started med school. We talked online sometimes, and we had a big argument. Sometimes I think she did it on purpose, to make it easier for us to forget.
And I thought I did, mostly.

She messaged me again today. She's messaged me more this year than in the entire last 3 years combined. It's good to be friendly again. To know she doesn't hate me. But just when I thought I could swim, I drown in the flood of memories. Talking with her I have these sudden urges to try to make her laugh again. Like I used to. It was a nice laugh.

I know this make me look weak. Maybe I am. Maybe it would be easier if the messages didn't come when I have been sitting at my computer alone for some time. Maybe if I haven't only had 1 partner since her, and no girlfriends it would be easier.

On the other hand, I realize I have dodged a bullet. The hot girl that was in my A&E rotation has been dating my friend from the same rotation for about 5 months now. I see the pointless arguments sometimes over the dumbest things. I realize how good it is to be single, being allowed to be selfish.
Being along now, means not losing anyone later.

I do miss the warm body in the bed though. I do miss having someone to make laugh, that made me want to impress, that made me work harder to be a better person.

No matter how many times I remind myself of this, I can't stop playing it over in my head.

I messaged an old friend yesterday. We went to school together but she failed some classes and got left behind a term.
We exchanged some messages and she gave me her number and I called her today.
We caught up on some stuff, told each other what's been new in our lives.
I asked when she would be back in this part of the country. She said May.
I am going back down to Miami in May, but I'll be back up here in September.
She asked me if I had a girlfriend.
I said No, and said not only that but I haven't had sex since the time we did it, 2 1/2 years ago.
She said I'd only have to wait until September.

Last night I was out for a friend's birthday. We went to a bar and usually I hate that environment. I also just had water the whole night. Most of the people that came were her old friends from college but some, like me, were from med school and so there were a few mutual friends. One of whom brought her very attractive but engaged friend with her. I spent almost the entire night talking with her. It really was innocent, I think. At least on her end. It really almost felt like flirting, and god knows if given half the chance I would have done things to her, fiance be damned.
But it did remind me a lot of one of the members here who that very night was out being naughty while married. I began to feel a bit like one of those other guys, not the role I normally take. But I think this is only because she wasn't ever going to do anything with me, so I felt no pressure.
I also noticed I cannot distinguish "niceness" from "flirting" if I think the woman is attractive. Or probably even if I don't.

Ah, Spring must be in the air. The bitter weight of winter has fallen away.
Today I saw my first (and actually multiple) sandal wearing young lady. Toes wiggling in the nice brisk wind.
Ahh.

It almost doesn't matter though since I am heading back to Miami in 5 weeks anyway, and will stay there 3 months.
Oh well. Nice to have the spring feeties back.